June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008

i think about the words I spoke to a close friend recently, words I've said often. how my life has yet to be struck by tragedy and my faith truly shaken. they feel like they were said ominously without meant to be said that way.

i feel like there are circles of influence in my life, and each one of them is being shaken with tragedy or mishap. my grandfather's health is deteriorating rapidly, enough that they've had to put him in an assisted living situation. Which makes me think about life and it's hardships. When is it ever easy to take in those who need so much care? What am I personally willing to sacrifice so that he could spend his last years or months or days in a real home? Watching my mom have to walk through this is hard. When kids take care of parents, I see that it's so hard for both to adjust to the new roles. my parents are expressing their missing me in different ways. i'm not quite sure how to handle this. then Huey passes away. 34, that's only 10 years older than me, maybe 9 months and something days. i always thought of the term "widow" as something in the bible or a movie, not my coworker's wife or my mother in law. And taking care of them becomes so practical. I was telling another friend how I hate how expensive death is. it's just shitty. Maybe I should start a non prof, where we provide death services for those who are in poverty. I'm sure one exists already, I'm going to look it up. my google search fails me. Julianna, who is home but who knows how temporarily. my other grandmother, frail and mostly alone.

I don't know that these circle of influences are getting closer to my core, but I feel them none the less. That's life, and faith exists sometimes in forefront and sometimes in the shadow, of life.

1 Comments

June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008

i think about the words I spoke to a close friend recently, words I've said often. how my life has yet to be struck by tragedy and my faith truly shaken. they feel like they were said ominously without meant to be said that way.

i feel like there are circles of influence in my life, and each one of them is being shaken with tragedy or mishap. my grandfather's health is deteriorating rapidly, enough that they've had to put him in an assisted living situation. Which makes me think about life and it's hardships. When is it ever easy to take in those who need so much care? What am I personally willing to sacrifice so that he could spend his last years or months or days in a real home? Watching my mom have to walk through this is hard. When kids take care of parents, I see that it's so hard for both to adjust to the new roles. my parents are expressing their missing me in different ways. i'm not quite sure how to handle this. then Huey passes away. 34, that's only 10 years older than me, maybe 9 months and something days. i always thought of the term "widow" as something in the bible or a movie, not my coworker's wife or my mother in law. And taking care of them becomes so practical. I was telling another friend how I hate how expensive death is. it's just shitty. Maybe I should start a non prof, where we provide death services for those who are in poverty. I'm sure one exists already, I'm going to look it up. my google search fails me. Julianna, who is home but who knows how temporarily. my other grandmother, frail and mostly alone.

I don't know that these circle of influences are getting closer to my core, but I feel them none the less. That's life, and faith exists sometimes in forefront and sometimes in the shadow, of life.

1 Comments

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