If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death -- even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.-Philippians 2:1-11 (NRSV)

a few notes of confession:

as I was laying in bed in his arms, just trying to breath, to make my head stop spinning around and the gavel stop pounding judgement on my soul, the HS spoke some kind of clarity into the madness.

1#. I feel so guilty for not stopping when I could have, not seeking you out when I should have. I know I'm only one person in the dominoe relationships you have, but as one person I might have some kind of influence. I realized the guilt somehow stemmed from knowing that 2# would have seized the moment, rearranged priorities to be with you at that moment. They wouldn't have been afraid to step in your world, and that you would have let them. I realized that while I can't be #2 to you, I can learn from #2. I need to be like #2. which led to.....

#2. Knowing you have (or had, I don't know anymore) attributes that I ought to have and can emulate, helped me forgive you. I've been asking for help in forgiving you for more than a few months now. But I also recognized an ugly little piece of myself that didn't want to forgive. That piece that wanted to harbor hurt. My realization last night, strangely enough, helped me to forgive you.

#3. I also realized, somewhat apart from my other enlightening thoughts, that the reason I wasn't invited is because I probably wouldn't have enjoyed myself. It wasn't a power play of "who do you like better" or that someone else there didn't want me there, but it most likely a foreshadowing of my interest level in the event. And that tastes so much better than the bitter things I was imagining previously.

I am so fallible. I am so broken. I almost gave it all up last night, for I am so selfish. I almost threw in the towel of servanthood as I saw the clearest reflection of who I truly am. Then the Redeemer brought me to a place of humility, and I saw a path of hope.

Hope for an obediant daughter who heeds the words of a loving Father, and is changed. Changed to humility, looking to the needs of other, having the mind of Christ.

If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death -- even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted him and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bend, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.-Philippians 2:1-11 (NRSV)

a few notes of confession:

as I was laying in bed in his arms, just trying to breath, to make my head stop spinning around and the gavel stop pounding judgement on my soul, the HS spoke some kind of clarity into the madness.

1#. I feel so guilty for not stopping when I could have, not seeking you out when I should have. I know I'm only one person in the dominoe relationships you have, but as one person I might have some kind of influence. I realized the guilt somehow stemmed from knowing that 2# would have seized the moment, rearranged priorities to be with you at that moment. They wouldn't have been afraid to step in your world, and that you would have let them. I realized that while I can't be #2 to you, I can learn from #2. I need to be like #2. which led to.....

#2. Knowing you have (or had, I don't know anymore) attributes that I ought to have and can emulate, helped me forgive you. I've been asking for help in forgiving you for more than a few months now. But I also recognized an ugly little piece of myself that didn't want to forgive. That piece that wanted to harbor hurt. My realization last night, strangely enough, helped me to forgive you.

#3. I also realized, somewhat apart from my other enlightening thoughts, that the reason I wasn't invited is because I probably wouldn't have enjoyed myself. It wasn't a power play of "who do you like better" or that someone else there didn't want me there, but it most likely a foreshadowing of my interest level in the event. And that tastes so much better than the bitter things I was imagining previously.

I am so fallible. I am so broken. I almost gave it all up last night, for I am so selfish. I almost threw in the towel of servanthood as I saw the clearest reflection of who I truly am. Then the Redeemer brought me to a place of humility, and I saw a path of hope.

Hope for an obediant daughter who heeds the words of a loving Father, and is changed. Changed to humility, looking to the needs of other, having the mind of Christ.

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace
- a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies
- and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness" planted by God to display his glory.
I'm a *God serving *youth loving *rollercoaster riding *vanilla latte sipping *mac using *joke making *wagon driving *80's crazed *T.V. hating *yet LOST adoring *Halo playing *H2O drinking *legal assisting *text messaging *JDC stalking *wedding planning *LIFE graduating *livejournaling *Hanson listening *5 piercing *dancing fool




without her I'd be less.